Alas...I slacketh (mini-review catch-up)

So, yes, there have been many movies to cover since my last review and while I am replete with legitimate reasons, I shall avoid going into them right now. Suffice to say, here are some catch-up reviews and I'll try to get back on track with the full, long-winded reviews next week.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse / Rated PG-13 / Dir. by David Slade / 124 min.

The good news: Eclipse is the best of the Twilight movies. The bad news: It's a Twilight movie. Now, I totally get the appeal. These stories are geared to inflame the emotionally-charged hormonally-laden and have, obviously, succeeded as a transparent meditation on teenage sexuality. The only problem is...well...nothing ever happens. There's no character arc and the characters mumble the same sentiments over and over for two hours until a brief action climax arrives to satisfy those in the audience who are asleep. Granted, it's difficult to construct a narrative when your central protagonist is Taylor Lautner's abs, but still. However, "Eclipse" almost succeeds as a movie. For the first time in the entire film series, I laughed at something the filmmakers intended to be funny. For the first time I actually cared what happened to the characters. Not that it's a classic. Still, very little actually happens as far as moving these characters forward and the dialog is often laughable, but it's better. This is a good thing. I have always felt that Hollywood sells the female teenager short. This movie starts to finally feel like it's talking to them, not talking down to them. If the first two felt like an after-school special with vampires, this is starting to feel like a John Hughes drama with vampires and that's progress.

Grade: B-

The Last Airbender / Rated PG / Dir. by M. Night Shyamalan / 103 min.

I used to be a Shyamalan apologist. I used to expound the virtues of eternally trashed films like "Lady in the Water" and "The Village". I still believe that "Signs" is one of the most beautifully orchestrated bits of biblical parable disguised as sci-fi ever made. However, that all ended with "The Happening". The more than convoluted plot, the fact that he wrung career-worst performances out of two of the most likable actors in Hollywood, the death scenes that were supposed to be horrific, but just got more and more comical as the plot unraveled.....it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Unfortunately, "The Last Airbender" does nothing to help his eviscerated reputation. The biggest enemy of Shyamalan the director is Shyamalan the writer. He's caught "Lucas-itis", the belief that no matter what bubbles out of your word-processor, it's brilliant and shall in no way be subjected to outside opinion or re-writes. Therefore, the movie is visually gorgeous and dramatically worse than bad. With the exception of Noah Ringer as the titular Airbender, the acting is really awful and the dialog wouldn't have been accepted in a high-school screenwriting class. Please....please let Shyamalan direct someone else's screenplay next time.

Grade: A for the visuals, D- for the rest.

Grown-Ups / Rated PG-13 / Dir. by Dennis Dugan / 102 min.

This is the easiest review of them all. It's an Adam Sandler movie and you know what that means. That's not to say it's a film starring Adam Sandler, that's a different beast entirely. Those include "Spanglish", "Funny People" and "Punch-Drunk Love". No, this is a board-certified "Adam Sandler Movie". You know, like "The Waterboy", "Big Daddy", and "The Wedding Singer". If you enjoyed those movies, you'll probably enjoy this one. That's all you need to know.

Grade: B-

Knight and Day / Rated PG-13 / Dir. by James Mangold / 109 min.

Why all the hate? Why did this movie flop? I really don't get it. Cruise hasn't been this likable in a movie in a long time and Diaz reminds us why she was a star to begin with. It's fast paced, funny, genuinely romantic, it should have been a home run hit. I have the same feelings about "A-Team". Both of these movies had everything you look for in a summer movie. Why they both struggle to make half their production budget while "Eclipse" breaks records is a bafflement. I know this doesn't tell you much about the movie, but if you're looking for a fun date movie, give it a try before it leaves theaters.

Grade: B+

Jonah Hex / Rated PG-13 / Dir. by Jimmy Hayward / 81 min.

However thought the director of "Horton Hears a Who" would be the perfect fit for a gritty Western revenge drama was nuts. However, Hayward does the best he can with a screenplay that makes little if any sense. The sole reason to see this movie is Josh Brolin in the title role. Brolin has shown many times over that he elevates any movie he's in just by showing up and "Jonah Hex" is no exception. He's terrific in it. My feelings after seeing this movie were similar to my feelings after "Sherlock Holmes". I liked the lead, I liked the world that was created, I just didn't like this particular story. While I can look forward to a "Sherlock Holmes" sequel to see those characters in a different story, I don't think the same will happen for "Hex". Brolin will have to keep looking for his big-budget breakout roll. For now, skip this and go watch Brolin in "The Goonies" for the tenth time.

Grade: D+